Some of my behavior yesterday reflects just how much this blog is going to help me face any issues I have with food. Rather than lie or beat myself down, I'm going to be plain and simple with what I ate yesterday.
After finishing the blog entry and doing a few other things, I decided to head to Barnes and Noble. When my mom was visiting, we read a large chunk of The Time Traveler's Wife together, and I bought it online a few days ago, after she left, so that I could finish it. It occurred to me, though, that it might get taken out of theaters before I got the chance to finish it, and I really want to watch it soon, so I decided to go to B&N and use it like a library. I also brought along wedding thank-you notes to work on. I spent the entire late afternoon and evening in B&N, which was actually quite enjoyable. I love the book - still haven't finished it though - and I got a bunch of thank-you notes written, which made me feel good as well. However, I decided that I wanted a treat.
I was craving a treat after I ate lunch at home, which consisted of leftover Chinese food (kung pao soy chicken), but I decided that if I was going to get a treat, I'd get it at Barnes and Noble. Upon arriving, I was delighted to see that B&N now has Pumpkin Spice Lattes, a clear sign of the end of summer (but not in California I suppose!), so I decided on that. Then I saw the pumpkin spice cheesecake. I had the urge, and bought a slice. It was extremely delicious (and rich, and filling), and coupled with the sweet pumpkin spice latte, I was on a sugar high. My body felt weird - almost drunk. I ate and drank slowly, and by 7:30pm, I went home.
When I got home I was a little lonely. The house was dark because Kev is away, and I checked each room, making sure everything was safe. I didn't really feel like doing anything, so I spent pretty much the entire night online, watching various things and surfing. For dinner, I had a few bites of a Tex-Mex corn salad Kev brought home from work. Beans, corn, avocado, cheese, lettuce.. it was tasty. Whadddyaknow, I craved sugar again before too long after. I debated doing what I used to do - which is make a tiny bit (equivalent to about 3 cookies) of cookie dough and eat it plain. Maybe that would have been the better choice, because I ended up making some kind of sugary bar dessert which turned out to be way too sweet. I ate 3 little bars, somewhat dissapointed that they didn't taste like heaven.
Today, I get to observe what I ate yesterday and contemplate reasons. I am feeling lonely, and it is strange not to be with someone that you're used to being with every single night. It makes me question my individuality. What would my life be like without Kevin? Would I sit around every night watching TV and movies? I don't know. That's what I feel like doing when he's gone. And with regards to eating... am I craving sweets to comfort emotional self? All observations....here's to making better choices next time. Craving something sweet at the coffee shop wasn't so bad...but I could have gotten something small, rather than a slice of cheesecake, which was probably 1000 calories or so, I'd be willing to bet.
Even though I finally closed my eyes around 2am last night (this morning...) I woke up a lot this morning, probably because I'm used to it, and got out of bed at about nine. I decided not to eat right away, and wait til my stomach told me I was hungry. When I was hungry, I whipped up a smoothie consisting of 20 strawberries from a local fruit stand, a few chunks of frozen pineapple, and the rest of the orange juice. Yum! I also had half of a leftover belgian waffle and dipped it in maple syrup.
Today I am going to commit myself to making healthier choices for food. It's about to be lunch time, and I'm going to have a salad with nuts. I'm going to head to B&N to finish the book, and when I'm there, I'll order a soy chai with espresso, and no snack, at least not at first. If I get truly hungry, I will have a small snack. Not a cheesecake this time!
I just finished doing some extremely refreshing yoga. It involved lots of twists, which I feel totally awakened my tight, sore physical body. I love yoga, and I'm so excited to get back into it!!
So, for today:
Physical: yoga, making healthy eating choices
Mental: finishing more thank-you notes, playing a game
Emotional: reading The Time Traveler's Wife, maybe watching Grey's Anatomy, call Meredith and Gabby
Spiritual: writing in my journal
Here we go!
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